But, in reality, I don’t do any of those things. I continue being me. And I try to avoid cameras.
But this year, I have been the object of four different photography shoots and worked with two different photographers.
Early this year, my hair stylist, Karen Friedman asked if I would be her curly haired model in a photo shoot that would show off her talents as a stylist and makeup artist. Karen, like me, is actively working on growing her own business and it was an easy decision to say yes in order to support her. I knew I would be in front of a camera, but I also knew it wasn’t about me. It was about her work. All I had to do was show up.
And I did. And photos like these happened.
It was great to be given the space to not know what I was doing and be ok with it. But it was also great to watch Christopher be deeply invested in his craft and aware of all of the components that go into a great photo. I was only a fraction of the concern.
Getting those photos was a lot of fun. And nothing like what I look like every day.
I decided to schedule a photo shoot with Christopher to focus on my own business, my own professional face for the world.
I brought more nerves to the shoots focused on my own business because I wasn’t able to detach the way I had for the one focused on Karen’s work. This was really about me, about my business, about representing the skills, services, and talents that make up who I am and what I am able to offer to my clients. Christopher, once again, engaged me in conversation, lowering my anxiety and taking care of the details of photography.
Between the two shoots (indoor & outdoor) focused on capturing me as a professional, I ended up with over 200 photographs. Each time, when the files came through, I clicked through with a mix of anticipation, dread, and excitement. These were close-ups of who I’m supposed to be in the world. An intense experience of looking in a mirror and seeing something I hadn’t previously seen over and over and over, two hundred times.
I now know what I look like when I’m genuinely engaged and enjoying the conversation.
I know the look that has always made people think I'm stuck up.
I know the look I must give when I think ordering pizza delivery is the best possible idea.
And, I hope you've never seen this look, but I know the look I must give when I think someone's completely full of shit, but I'm not sure exactly how to phrase that.
I'll let you pick out which is which. ;)